Seems Richmond is getting OLD (*whispers* she is turning 40 – notice the ZERO at the end of it *snicker*) and has lost her funny… So I’m posting a this joke just for her:
There is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decides to do something about it. He goes to the beach, strips completely and buries himself in the sand, except for his penis sticking out of the sand.
Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says “There is no justice in this world”.
The other lady says, “What do you mean?”
The first lady says, “Look at that”. When I was 10 Years old I was afraid of it. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. And now that I’m 80, the damn things are growing wild!
= = =
Yaa just four more years and you can make jokes about me reaching half a century. It’s creeping up on me… But I’m going down fighting!
Tags: Humor
Yep, my boys still play with it. Ok, so do I. It is amazing how something so simple can be so much fun! Here is the oldest with his creations:
and the youngest:
Yep. I wasn’t able to make anything at the time because I was busy cooking dinner while they made stuff. It is wonderful to see how the creations change as they get older.
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing a beat, she says: ‘Well, that’s great….that’s just great…. Some a$$hole’s got my pen!’
Tags: Humor
I have dealt with door locks before on houses. I have changed them door by door to have all matching keys or to change them from the previous owner… what I’m not capable of doing is fixing the $&#$ lock on my sliding door on my minivan. It sometimes locks and does not unlock. Unless you manually unlock it from the inside. It’s bad enough that the heat makes the door stick (known problem at the dealer ship who swears every time they ‘fix it’ that it won’t happen again), but to have a door that won’t open and you don’t know if it is stuck or if it is locked. I think I have pulled my shoulder out twice due to this problem. Which I blame on my inability to do pushups… it hurts horribly to do them after I fight with that minivan door!
Tags: door locks, minivans, Mom
The youngest comes running up to me and talking… it sounded like he had his teeth together. I turned around and laughed. I had him repeat it and he said he wanted me to take a picture and send it to Mamaw. I thought putting it out here would be much more fun. Here is a picture of my youngest and some broccoli!
Not to be out done by the younger brother… here comes the older one:
Doesn’t my oldest look really old in this picture. Hard to believe he just turned 8! Ok, it does make him look younger having a bag of grapes on his head, but in general… if the bag wasn’t there… Sigh. Never mind, I give up. Happy Monday.
Some of you have asked me in the past about my digital scrapbooking. Particularly after I did a complete book for my mom. Now is your chance to see how I do it along with help from the person who helped me… My sister! Our new website is:
We do not scrap for money. It is usually gifts for family or friends. The problem being that every time I start on an adventure to do one of these projects I end up calling Tink with a ton of questions I just asked six months ago. Yaaa… not cool. With the start of my next adventure I called her and asked if she would be willing to work on a website with me. I ask about 100 questions and she answers them on our website. Along with posts from me as I do work-in-progress. Just to show that some of us have to really work at it. That it is not ‘natural’ and easy but still can be done! Come join us or just stop by and say hi. All questions on digital scrapping welcome and definitely any hints or help is appreciated! See ya there!
Tags: scrapbooking
Folks, I use to ride horses. I still have the riding breeches. I can’t fit into them and I can’t imagine I will ever be able to do that again. Mainly because I have since had kids and your hips change. I have now put aside 7 blouses, and who knows how many socks. Next will be the breeches. I don’t want to let go because it brings back a lot of memories. Maybe I’ll take a picture of them before sending them on their way to some new home. Sigh. This house cleaning is taking a lot longer than I thought. So many things happen the first weeks of school. I totally forgot about that. Luckily, it will settle down. Just in time for the holidays!!! Just gotta laugh and go with the flow.
Seems my youngest decided to compete with the oldest in nightmares. For 3 nights I was getting up with the oldest… last night the oldest slept through, but the youngest hollers at 2am. I go in to find out he was having nightmares. I asked him what it was about and he told me “cobwebs in the toilet”. Mumble mumble. Of course I thought it was funny and said that it sounded pretty cool to me. He just closed his eyes, grabbed my hand and went to sleep. Well, until I let go of his hand, then he would wake up again. Ugh. It took a while for him to complete sleep.
This morning I asked him about his dream. He told me these huge spiders were making spider webs near the toilet by the front door. In fact they had made cobwebs on the hinges of the door. I started to laugh. He looked at me and I told him that a toilet by the front door sounded pretty funny. You could see it go through his head and suddenly he laughed. I don’t think spiders and cobwebs are going to bother him for a while now. Me on the other hand… the thought of having to clean all that.. makes me think it is a nightmare!
It seems like my life is going to be what is the fastest, best way to cut, copy and staple for the schools. If they kids even go to school. They have a half day off today, Monday the 6th, Thursday the 9th completely off. How is this suppose to give the kids consistency and stability? Oh wait, that’s not a big deal. Sort of like making school drive everything to reading and writing only. Why would we want to encourage math and science? Sigh. I actually hugged a woman today. I found out she was hired as the 2nd grade science teacher. The kids actually get to go to science once every 7 days now. Something fun. Something to show math is worth learning. My apologies, but I find it frustrating that there is no money for science, for help on copying, that people who have my child for 6 hours a day are some of the lowest paid and should be highly paid, and … it is time for me to stop and go to school and help out.
FOR A GOOD LAUGH……This is for the over 50 generation:
I thought about the 30 year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter.
I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it,
and I got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, “Re-calc-ul-ating”. You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven’t figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden “Paper or Plastic?” every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, “Paper or Plastic?” I just say, “Doesn’t matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.” Then it’s their turn to stare at me with a blank look.
I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot.”
Tags: Humor
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