Archive for August 20th, 2008

20
Aug

More Humor for Dreaded Wednesday

   Posted by: vw bug    in Humor

Another oldie in a little bit of a different format:

How to Call The Police When You’re Old and Don’t Move Fast

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked ‘Is someone in your house?’ and he said ‘no’. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said, ‘Okay,’ hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

‘Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them.’ Then he hung up! .

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: ‘I thought you said that you’d shot them!’

George said, ‘I thought you said there was nobody available!’

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20
Aug

Humor for Dreaded Wednesday

   Posted by: vw bug    in Humor

What Love means to a 4-8 year old. .

‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’

Rebecca- age 8
—-
‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’

Billy – age 4
—-
‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’

Karl – age 5
—-
‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’

Chrissy – age 6
—-
‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’

Terri – age 4
—-
‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’

Danny – age 7
—-
‘Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss’

Emily – age 8
—-
‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.’

Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)
—-
‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,’

Nikka – age 6
—-
‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.’

Noelle – age 7
—-
‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’

Tommy – age 6
—–
‘During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’

Cindy – age 8
—-
‘My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’

Clare – age 6
—-
‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’

Elaine-age 5
—-
‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’

Chris – age 7
—-
‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’

Mary Ann – age 4
—-
‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’

Lauren – age 4
—-
‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ (what an image)

Karen – age 7
—-
‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross.’

Mark – age 6
—-
‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’

Jessica – age 8
—-
And the final one:

The winner was a four-year-old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

‘Nothing, I just helped him cry’

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