Yep, more food humor…

EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled
when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled
when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing
but spoiled milk anyway and can’t get any more spoiled than it is
already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese
but you realize you’ve never purchased that kind.

MAYONNAISE
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is
spoiled.

FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting
problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled – (or
wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

EXPIRATION DATES
This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly
good food so that you’ll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you’d
benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.

MEAT
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a

three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is
spoiled.

Tags: Humor

Stuck on food humor… and I never claimed the humor was good… just funny to me!

Question: You throw away the outside and cook the inside. Then you eat the outside and throw away the inside. What did you eat?

Answer: Corn on the cob: You throw away the skin or sheaf, then cook it, eat the corn, then throw away the cob.
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Question: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Answer: Pumpkin pi.
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Question: What did the grape say when he was sat on?

Answer: Nothing, he just let out a little whine.
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Question: What do you call a stolen yam?

Answer: A hot potato.
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Question: What was green and a great trick shooter?

Answer: Annie Okra
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Question: What did the carrot say to the wheat?

Answer: Lettuce rest, I’m feeling beet.

Tags: Humor

What is it about today???? How many times do I have to see quick weight loss ads? Now I see that ‘watchers’ group on TV ads as well. Yes, I have joined them. No, they aren’t like the other stuff. But I am tired of seeing anything to do with weight today. Just make it go away. Please. I don’t want to think about food or exercise any more today. No more ads today. Ok, it is just because I am sensitive to it today that I notice them. Sorta like seeing the same car all over the place. Once you spot it, you see it every where for some weird reason.

Which brings me to the question… if you like scented candles, do you also like cats? Not that you own one or you may… but do you like cats? I seem to be running into people who like scented candles and they all either like cats or have one as a pet… and those that don’t like scented candles, don’t like cats. Never asked about dogs, don’t know. Just curious about the cat/candles thing.

Tags: diet, Mom

See, I shouldn’t be allowed to go to facebook or msnbc or any other site with ads. Then I will see something for diets for quick weight loss and go crazy. Not like I don’t have enough to piss me off… with real estate attorneys trying to get loans lowered with a lower principle… so what if they bought it at $200k… it is only worth $100k now, they should only have a loan for a $100k… NOT. Want to really get me going… talk to me about that. What happens when the worth goes back up? Do they have to pay the difference? Is someone going to keep track? Big brother again? hmmm.. I think I need to stop now before I really say my mind. Oh wait…

Tags: diet, Mom

Seems I am doing just what I hate… taking weight off and putting it on, taking it off and putting it on… then I’m really pissed when I see these diets directed just at women. If you go read slimquick reviews, you’ll see what I mean. Even I have been naive about something along the way. There are just so many ways to take advantage of people. What I have repeatedly said is that there is no QUICK way to lose weight and keep it off. You must eat right and exercise. Ohhh… you can do these diets and lose weight… but as soon as you come off the diet, the weight will come right back on. The part that is pissing me off, is I lost weight before my surgery and then proceeded to put it on after. Still a net loss of five pounds… but now I have to take that five pounds off AGAIN. I swear it gets harder each time. Hmmm… maybe I need another chocolate chip cookie to calm me down. hahahahaha.

Tags: diet, Mom

I’m a wee bit slow getting the post out this morning. I didn’t ‘prewrite’ them last night because I was tired. I hurt my back and by the end of the day, I was done. Straight to bed for me. I even left the dishes uncompleted. Sigh. I’m just glad I don’t need hemorrhoid treatment along with everything else. I was so afraid with my back hurting that they would act up. I can always imagine something worse which makes my situation not so bad. That would make my life much worse and not having it makes my life not so bad. On to face the day! The kids are home for Martin Luther King’s Birthday and I have a ton of stuff to do with very little sleep… sounds like summer!

Tags: back, hemorrhoid, Mom

Seems the older boys are learning how to ‘add’ words. Making compound words. Now they have already done this but it was something they started for some unknown reason to me. And they kept laughing about it. And once even I laughed. My youngest had to join into it. Now he loves to be funny and will think about ways to be funny. This time took the cake. He asked the older boys what “Poo plus Pee equals”. We all gave him blank looks. He said “Poopy”. Ok, we all laughed so hard at that one. It was funny. Hard to believe in 4 short years instead of poopy jokes, it will probably be acne jokes and I’m sure it will be while I’m out look for acne medicine. I actually think I might look forward to it. It might just be funny!

Tags: acne, boys, jokes

It seems my children do much better when I give them lots of hugs and constantly touch them. Particularly the older one. This is so out of my realm. I am NOT a touchy feely person. Yet I have seen a huge difference in the older one if I just walk over and touch his arm. This is NOT easy or fun for me. I have to force myself to do it. Even though the rewards have been great, I find myself excited that school is in session. Talk about going ‘outside the box’… I’m so far out with this that I RUN back when given the chance. Sigh. Makes me feel like I’m a bad mommy. I’m not. I have good kids and they are turning out better than any mother could hope. But I just don’t want to constantly touch and be touched. It’s going to a long 12 years…

Tags: boys, Mom

Last night my son would not stop talking about death. He didn’t want to die last. He didn’t want to die first. He wanted to make sure his older brother was going to Heaven. He wanted to know if he could go to Heaven since he has been bad. Which made me glad he did not bring up being baptized or first communion. Geeze… my head hurt from trying to answer he questions to then just trying to get him to shut up so he would go to sleep.

I was thinking about Bou and her sons. I saw some people send out first communion invitations and make it into a big celebration. I also thought about my being baptized at the age of 12. And I wondered at what point in my life did I make my decision on what death was and what it meant to me. Is it at the time of these milestones in the church? Or is it particular to something that happens in your life? I also wonder how much my son heard me and took into his skull. They absorb so much that you don’t want them to and seem to miss all the stuff you want them to absorb. Or they get it but decide to ignore it to annoy you. Ahhh… I need to go on a bike ride in the woods and relax.

Tags: communion, death, Mom